Mozilla users nearly took to the streets in protest when confronted with the news that Microsoft had acquired the increasingly popular Firefox web browser. Fortunately for Firefox users, reports of Mozilla's death have been greatly exaggerated.

In browsing the morning news today, I came across a headline that nearly knocked me out of my chair:

"Microsoft Unleashes Improved Firefox"

Waves of panic and paranoia began to wash over me, eventually giving way to gloom and finally topped off with an inevitable sense of despair as I conceded to myself that Microsoft had finally driven the final nail into Mozilla's coffin.

In case it hasn't become apparently clear yet, I'm an avid Firefox enthusiast. After having completed a rigid twelve-step program to finally ween myself off of Internet Explorer, I was utterly dismayed to find that Microsoft had apparently weaseled its way back into my web browsing life.

Luckily for both Mozilla and me, the launch of Microsoft Firefox is little more than a prank gone awry.

In following the link I was given, I found the Microsoft Firefox "official" website to be a moderately realistic forgery. Of course, the tag line "It's better now… like seriously" lends itself and the rest of the site to a heaping helping of scrutiny.

However, these are a few of my favorite "features" included in the bundle:

Googling Filter - Proactively warns and helps protect you against potential or known fraudulent sites such as Google.com, blocks the site and shuts down your computer if necessary. The filter is updated several times per hour using the latest security information from Microsoft.
Parental Controls - To help keep kids safer online, parents can control browsing behavior through the parental control settings built into Microsoft Firefox with an extensive range of options - on or off. Force your child to browse educational Microsoft based content sites only. Teaching your children programming for "native Javascript objects for rich AJAX-style applications" has never been easier. Browsing sessions are automatically examined by Microsoft marketing representatives 24/7.
RSS (Real Simple Sex) - RSS is a relatively new algorithmic technology fueled by the continued hot desires of many online web users. Accessed by an illuminating icon on the toolbar - a single click allows you to view and optionally download anything that resembles a tit, a boob or a breast - rendered directly in the browser with speeds up to 10 times faster than the competition. Real Simple Sex can scan and arrange explicit images/pictures in order of quality and effectively filters out irrelevant content such as balloons or soccer balls.
On second thought, maybe Microsoft can make Firefox even better… like seriously.

Not surprisingly, however, representatives from Microsoft could not immediately be reached for comment.

Tags: Microsoft, Mozilla, Firefox

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